I Admire The Feminine MAN....

Why, well you KNOW I'm going to tell you. It's because you don't even try to act masculine when you know it's not you. You do it all with no fear. You really don't have to go through process of coming out, if you do it only has to be at least once. The way you are people, pretty much know, I mean NO disrespect, but there is no way a man could be so flamboyantly feminine and Not be gay...right?! Being masculine you will find yourself coming out to people over, and Over, and OVER again. Yes, some may be discreet and feel like it's not every bodies business, but Still even though they don't feel that way, it's gonna be stressful and tiring to even TRY to come out to everyone you meet. For example, if a girl Likes you, because she doesn't know your sexuality since you are not fem assume she has a chance...she pushes herself on you...you are now in a very AWKWARD situation that a gay man HATES. Having a girl like you, makes you uncomfortable, and you really don't want to tell her that you being gay  is the reason for your disinterest in her. She didn't know NOW you in a fucked up situation.  Or maybe homophobic guys have be befriended you...in a fucked up situation again, instead of them purposely staying away from you, now you have to always feel uncomfortable being around them. See because I'm masculine people just always assume from the get go that I am a straight male. Let me use a girl  for example again...say if I befriended a female, she is nice girl, her good opinion of me will be shattered if I told her I was GAY, now she's gone, now I'm hurt. See if I wore  my sexuality  on my sleeve I wouldn't have to be in FUCK UP situations like this, because what I don't know WON'T hurt me, if people deny me before I even know them rather then AFTERWARDS it would hurt less, right?...

Damn, want Him to work like THAT inside me

The Dilemma of a Virgin

Why is it that getting sex is much easier than getting into an actual meaningful relationship Not based on sex. Now I am not the outgoing type that can just start up a convo with someone I do not know. My family would say, "Man you are in no way," but that's because they are family, I know them, I'm comfortable with them. As for as people I don't know, I am shy...that's a Big problem for someone like me. I don't know all of the  DL signs, I definitely need a course on it. I wouldn't know if a guy was trying to "get at me" in the ways of the DL, I either wouldn't be able to tell or would think it was wishful  thinking on my part. So HOW am I ever suppose to have any male on male action in ANY form, how am I suppose to get to that point. Being in college I know there ARE guys that "get down" but WHO? I want LOVE, but being a virgin I'm fiending for sex as well. Like I said at the beginning, sex for some reason is less complicated  than love. The dilemma I have is that I am wondering what should do IF I was giving the opportunity to have SEX before LOVE. Because my dream is to give my virginity  to the man I love and know he loves me. What IF I have the chance to  have a man between my legs and be fulfilled in my lower part instead of my heart. There is NO telling WHEN I will have love, so it is no telling how long I'll be waiting if I'm waiting for love. The LAST thing I wanna do is lose my V card to some dude who just wanna hit it, but he could give me the chance to experience something I been wanting to experience, although it may not be love, but something I've wanting just as much as love. Love and Sex, I want BOTH, I'd rather have sex from the one I love, but what If I would have no choice to have sex before love is an possible option.

If I'm gonna be gay @ least I could've been a Top...

Is the way I USED to feel back in the day when still having an internal conflict with my sexuality. Obviously thinking the desiring to be a bottom, made me less of a man, and if I was the one GIVING the dick then that would some how let me hold on to my masculinity. Obviously that  was STUPID, taking It, doesn't make you less of a man, and giving It doesn't make you more of one, because as a gay man...YOU ARE STILL A MAN REGARDLESS! So now in this time in my life I don't mind that I'mma sensitive, submissive, hopeless romantic, dick loving, bottom :-) and I honestly have no desires to be anything more than That. Now being gay is one thing, but when people think or Know you are the one getting fucked, they feel you are the "girl" in the relationship. See the way I feel about is it's more maybe, "like" the girl in the relationship. I really don't mind THAT honestly, see if you are familiar with the term simile...which means a comparison, metaphor, ex: "Love is like this..." So I could still be "like" the female and STILL be a man. Why I feel that way, well...I understand that I want a lot of the same things a girl would want from a man: to be held, feel protected, for him to want to take care of me, to take the lead in the relationship and be the dominant one between us, to be romanced, to be his "shawty," his baby, his angel, and last but not least...his dick :-) Yes, I would would want him to treat me like a good hetero man would treat his girl, but would STILL recognize that I AM A MAN, and would never make me feel less of one, because I'm the submissive bottom in the relationship.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!