Being A Modeled Guy

It started in middle school when I began to in-bark on a certain level of 'cool.' Being that all the moments before, I admit, I was a mama's boy that was still babied and mom still dressed me. And the fact all years prior I was bullied much. But in middle school...the tables turned and I became THE MAN. 

Although the school required uniforms, because of that I made sure my shoes were on point. Or should I say my big bro made sure. With his "handy-downs" and at the time he was a college student with job so he bought shoes for me as well. I began to get more confidence in my stride. Even in high school, even though I wasn't AS popular, I still had a certain level of 'coolness."  In high school I was more the "everybody knows OF him", but I wasn't THE MAN.

Regardless in was my style, the way I carried myself and MY WALK that made me so known. I was told repeatedly, "You belong on the runway." or "You walk like a model." Yet in high school when it came an opportunity for me to be apart of a fashion for the school...I was SCREWED and didn't get to be apart of it. ME! The guy KNOWN for looking and walking as if he was always on the runway. I was approached and ASKED to be apart of it, but once I got there for the rehearsal it became, "Oh we are FULL now, so we don't need you." What the FUCK!? I sat in the auditorium bitter and pissed, but internally cheering for my crush who  was in the fashion show, but even he couldn't do it like I COULD. No one in that shit had the style I could have brought to it. 

Upon entering high school, I was getting older, started to care about sex appeal. A growing young male having raging hormones and realizing his sex appeal with aspirations to be a model...the worst thing you could do is give him a camera, haha. I took a lot of pictures of myself. Not being cocky, but it was the model in me.Here where's the realizations comes, I will never seriously be an actual professional model. I don't have the LOOK, the body, nor the HEIGHT. I have the STYLE and 'catwalk' of a model. It's not about having low self esteem, I know I'm NOT ugly, but I also know there is nothing spectacular about my face that says "MODEL." And my body? I'm in shape but not FIT. Meaning I have abs by default because I'm skinny with a little muscle, but is my body tight, defined, perfecting toned? No. The body I can change, I can't change my face  [without plastic surgery which is NOT happening] nor my height, so modeling professionally won't happen, they are strict about that height requirement. 

So I'm honest enough to realize my only chance of runway modeling is to do it unprofessionally. Or if I want professionals shoots then I have to PAY FOR IT! Naw, not when I'm sure the industry is not going to take me seriously when I don't have the model look. So why would I need professional photos for? Nope, I'd rather be the one getting paid for my modeling, not paying for me to be a model. Not when I see no future in it. My chances to model unprofessionally kept being ruined. I told you about high school, well....after graduating from there. Attending a community college at home. I was determined to participate in a fashion show my 1st semester  there. First it was push back into NEXT semester, then it was just canceled. WHY? Because of the incompetence and lack of dedication from the fellow "models" of the show. Everyone came to and left rehearsals whenever they felt. Some had other classes, I understand...but WHY try to be apart of something you know you wouldn't have TIME for. And when they were at rehearsals everybody felt like fucking PLAYING around and not being serious about. This meant SO MUCH to me and they ass were playing around. 

Once I transferred to an university away from home. I saw an flyer for a themed fashion show for an fraternity. It was not question, I was in. That was has been the only fashion show I was officially in [I'm not counting the "cute" little fashion show I did for my aunt's church one day...most of the audience were old people, haha]

It was GREAT, the experience was GREAT. It was a RUSH to FINALLY be apart of something of such. I impressed, of course. But when the dust settled I realized there was still some things I was dissatisfied with. 

1. The fact that I was the ONLY one that went to a certain "required" store in order to be fitted for the wardrobe. I spent $20 to and from there back to my dorm, on a RAINY day.
2. Honestly aside from the modeling, I'm an entertainer, being said that naturally I love to be center of attention. People who love attention want big audience, right? Well, it was a lot of people there, but not enough for me. Man, I sound so ungrateful, smh.  
3. The fact that I have NO pictures to remember that night. I ask the guy who was in control of the show, to send me PICTURES! Never got them. 

On to my next opportunity, during my universities homecoming fashion show which I did not get the chance to be officially apart of. But unofficially, there was a point where one of  the hosts asked "Is there anyone in the audience that think they can do a better job than the models." It was MY chance to shine in front of thw whole university. The show was in the campus stadium and it was PACKED. That was my BIG crowd. It felt GREAT, but of course I wasn't really IN the fashion show. I unofficially did this TWICE at our schools homecoming fashion show, not having the chance to OFFICIALLY be a runway model neither times.

Now that I do not attend school anymore, there goes my opportunity to be anywhere CLOSE to the Life of the Runway.   Because I am home and working with no networks, I see  no way of having that chance again. It's a shame, I know I belong on the runway...it was always my dream.