I am READY, But Are My Parents...

In my last post I updated you on my new form of independence. I've gotten myself a brand new {well new to me} car, however used...it's still all mines. 

The process was more than stressful. With close to no help other than my boyfriend, which of course there was only so much he could even do from afar. No help from the 'rents, I looked and I searched for the right car for me all by my self. Ended up with and 2005 Hyundai Sonta, a car I've ALWAYS wanted...you know as a first car. 

I would have thought...I thought, my first car is a serious thing, therefore I thought I would get help. I thought they would both pitch in...you know, with the whole process. They did not. As matter of fact my REAL issue is nor how neither mom or dad help that much at all, but the fact that they did NOT help AND seemed to have much damn opinions during and after the process. THAT pissed me off. Would left a finger to help in the process, but once I started the process my damn self then they have a lot to say, right?

And hearing "You need more practice."

"You sure you ready?"
"You should wait."

And blah, blah...I know they're my parents, they suppose worry and suppose to care rather or not I'm ready. But all of the things they were saying seemed ALL negative to me. How about you give me something POSITIVE to balance it out. How about you show me that you are confident in me. How about talking to me about the PROS of me having a car instead of only saying shit to stir me completely AWAY from the idea, being that this should be something you would WANT for me. This isn't like when I wanted I tattoo. Having a car is something good.

To me there is NO such thing as "practice" with driving. You either LEARN how to drive or you don't. What am I practicing for...to be a NASCAR driver. I know how to handle the wheel, I know the traffic laws, I can control a car, I know to be alert about pedestrians and other drivers. Okay, so WHAT the hell am I "practicing?" Oh and this "practice" that I did do...it was NEVER much and THEN I had wait around until my dad FELT like taking me to drive around and LET me behind the wheel. Which DIDN'T happen much. So to look at me and tell me I need more PRACTICE when your ass don't let me do shit anyway is BULL. The whole point of having my OWN car is to not wait around around for my parents anymore. And I would NEVER have a car if I had wait around on my dad to let me behind the wheel, so I can "practice."

They said I should wait. Wait on what? I have my license and I can afford it by getting a good used car. I am 23 years old. There were students when I was in high school who were driving and had their own cars...what the FUCK am I waiting on. It's like they WANT me to depend on them. WTF!

And get this. Some nights when he would call himself letting me drive home after he picked me up from...HE DIDN'T EVEN LET ME DRIVE THE WHOLE WAY. He would pull over on the highway HALF WAY home and THEN let me drive. So this I should wait because I "need more practice" is complete and utter chicken shit when you're already not letting me behind the wheel much as it is. I KNOW how to drive.

You know what I think. Sure, I know they care and it's out of love, but if they want me to believe it's because they don't think I was ready...HA. I think it's more so that THEY weren't ready. THEY are not ready for my independence. THEY are not ready for me to be out there on the road alone by myself. If I had all the "practice" in the world they still wouldn't be ready. 

Truth is, of course the road can IS a dangerous place. NO ONE can EVER be ready for what could happen...just be alert. No PRACTICE would ever be enough to predict traffic.

Anytime I would mention having/getting a car, my mom would shrug me off, she wasn't taking me seriously AT ALL. HA! Nobody took me seriously. Until I did it...I fucking did it. You wasn't even taking me seriously before, but now you are full of opinions now that you see I was fucking SERIOUS about getting a car. This "more practice" thing was just a ploy because THEY weren't ready.

And don't even get me started on the actions of my father while AT the dealership for my purchase [because of course I needed a ride there. Which I could tell he DIDN'T want to go.] Long story short...he ACTED OUT, like he REALLY SHOWED HIS ASS, REALLY acted a DAMN fool. IN PUBLIC, IN FRONT of the dealers. He was being a complete JERK and his attitude all directed at me.

My first car and I was left out to dry...pry to money hungry car salesmens. This is my first time buying a car!  No help from CHILDISH dad, he really acted like a spoiled BRAT! Lucky for me the salesmen took PITY on me and dropped the price down off the car because of his rant. That's the ONLY thing my dad was good for that day.

I had my boyfriend on the phone though...thank God, the only person that really was there for me that day. Now  mind you, this was about 10am and my boyfriend hasn't even been to SLEEP yet. But he was on the phone with me doing all he could do to help me. My mom came later after she got off with work...at least she looked over the paperwork with me a little bit. Everything was all me really though,  besides my boyfriend.

I cried when I got home, because I was in disbelief and soaking in embarrassment that my own father acted out like that in public. I didn't speak to him for 3 days. That's my dad, I love him. I just acted like it didn't happen after those 3 days. Every thing went back to "normal." Apology ? Ha, this family doesn't know of that word.

Thing is...I've been happier now. It's still some kinks in my life I worry about, that I dwell over, get depressed about still...and I feel ungrateful for feeling that way. The truth is, having a car is a PLUS in my life right now. But life is an equation...when there's some happy added in your life, usually there's some subtracted away and then some sad multiple into it. Then you have to divide your feelings about it because you have mixed emotions.