5.28.2013

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself...


I  had a long talk with my father because of some shit that was said last Wednesday and as you would guess had a lot to do with me being gay. With him taking shots at,  ”you be looking pictures of naked men and shit, now if it were women…” Blah, blah. It hurt and I told him so. 
We had a long talk with me basically telling him I am gay and it AIN’T no changing it. And I am not gay ‘cause Im choosing it…I am not gay ‘cause I am choosing not be with a female, I am gay because there is NO female that exist that I would be happy with cause PUSSY is not what I want, PERIOD![I didnt say pussy though, of course lol] I told you can’t say you “love” me, but dismiss something that APART of who I am…being gay is NOT a opinion that you can just “disagree” with and everything is still alright, I told him. 
Now my dad is a hardass type of person, rarely affection, but he does let me know that he loves me and my bro often, but I am willing [for now] to take what I have. He has stated “I will support you and want you to be happy, but I’mma still have a opinion about it.” I’mma take that, I ask would he see himself even being at my wedding when that time comes [because it WILL be with a man] he said yes. Time will, if his problem with me being gay is much bigger…IT WILL SHOW!
For the most part I think he is worried about the shit I will have to deal with from people as a homosexual. I told I know all that but I am not toning myself down and being secret because of other people. You have many men with girlfriends and WIVES, but messing with men, because they are ashamed and scared of others.You should be PROUD that I am not and I am READY for this journey. 
And I am still on the journey of coming out, I remember the first person who i came out to…one of my female friends, then my ma [who no doubt is dealing with it better than my father], etc. My older brother is still left to take care of.
But last week a co-worker ask me was I gay, not that it was his DAMN business but regardless I told him yes. 
AND IT FEEL GOOD, SO GOOD TO SAY YES I AM GAY. And I continued on working like it was nothing. 
Now on social sites I have tried to be discreet as possible. Like Twitter and Facebook, IG. But on twitter I started to care less and I got family and co-workers that follow me...shit I used to care about being careful what I tweet and WHO I tweet. Dont care anymore. On my personal facebook I am VERY PRO gay-rights, thats something I used to be scared of doing. I know people be seeing that thinking “hmmm he seems to be pushing that A LOT” to the point of it being suspect, but I don’t care. And IG…with all of my gay ass pictures and shit with my wanna-be-model ass its so clear Im gay lmao
Starting S-FIT-C[Essfitcee] that are acronyms that mean, speaking from in the closet…I don’t really consider me really in the closet anymore. Hell someone asked was I gay at work and I said, YES. lol But I have came a LONG way since my creation of ESSFITCEE. 
Allow me to reintroduced myself, my name is Stephen, founder of ESSFITCEE, and I am a black gay man. 

3 comments:

iama[GAY]keeper said...

had a BIG smile on my face while reading this, LOVE this entry

Sir Ess said...

I was smiling while typing it. lol I am grateful that I am experiencing things in my life that many in my situation dnt.

Zee Jai said...

EPIC!!! :)