Merry Christmas!! !!

Who would you like under your tree? 


To Wait Or NOT To Wait: Getting OFF of Work Or Getting Off AT Work?

In recent months I have began to be intrigued by public masturbation. Searching through various sites such as MyVidster and Xtube to be the hottest one. I began with curiously as I wanted to expand on my "ammo" of porn, used for stimulation in my j/o sessions.  I honestly still have found one that I felt was just so fucking hot, but I use to NOT be into masturbation videos in the first place...with my fetish of cum, of course that was gonna change.

When watching videos of guys public jacking off in parks, on buses...I began to get curious about my own public adventure...at work. For months I've been thinking and contemplation...should I do it? As far as taking some nude pictures to send to my boyfriend that has been it. No harm in that...just slip away for customers and slide pants down and a few snaps then pulls pants back up...easy. Masturbation is more than that.  

Well I finally decided. One slow night at work...just last night. I wasn't doing it in the bathroom...too nasty and people coming in and out. That would turn me off. And it would be a LOT or No danger depending on WHERE in the bathroom I would have jacked off. In a stall? No danger...Not what I'm looking for. Not in a stall and out in the OPEN of the bathroom? THAT'S GOING TOO FAR! Not only would I would have gotten fired if caught, but ARRESTED. What if a little boy walked in a bathroom? NO. I wanted a LITTLE danger, but yet little risk of getting caught. 

What I did? There is an spot in the back stock room, it's upstairs and anyone hardly is up there unless there are co workers that have tasks and the things they would need for it are upstairs in the stock room. I did it there, I DID IT. 



I Am Now 22. Oct 3rd, My Bday

The day...has been uneventful. I got a haircut as you see in this pic I needed it. But as you get older you expect less on your birthday...it's like Christmas. It's only really exciting when you are young. I have a long road ahead of me...just FINALLY was able to get my license [something I have to blog about]...next thing is getting a CAR. 

I am grateful for my blessings...blessed that I am able to see this age of 22.


This Year Hasn't Been My Friend...

[actual image of me]
Indeed this year hasn't been my friend. The only fun action I've had all year is the Carnival cruise earlier this year in Spring. But this year has been depressing. My thoughts are is everywhere, I haven't been using Blogger as much as I would want. But, I'll be 22 soon...in October. Yay, I'll be blessed to make it to that age, of course. But I'm not excited...it's just another day of this shitty year. I never really was the one to be happy for over birthday. What's the point? It's not like I have anything to look forward to other than I know I'm going to at least take off my job and have a little wine. Oh goody, such FUN.   Whatever,..I just wanted to check in with you all. 


The DL WOmen.

A while back a few of my co workers were having a conversation pertaining lesbians and being gay. How did that come up?...I don't remember. But one of my co-workers,  being a female, expressed how she was once hit on by another chick. She expressed that she was 'strictly-dickly' and there would be no chance of her ever going that route. And this raises the question. Can people continue allow females the double standard on the subject of sexuality? That it's easier and simpler for chicks to turn to other chicks and it's not a big deal as gay men.

My female co worker reacted the way many sincerely straight men would react to this... understandably. "I'm not gay, I don't have problems with you being, but don't come at me on some gay shit." Is what she said. The question is if you are a SINCERE heterosexual female  then there would be NO chance of you being otherwise, right? I'm sure you have heard it a lot..."I went gay cuz dudes hurt me too much!" which I always thought was BULLSHIT, because a female could you hurt as well as a dude can. Are these type of chicks making excuses because they may always been CURIOUS? Have females been given to much credit that they can 'switch' sexuality just like that and it isn't as complicated as being a  gay man?

I don't if I have blogged about 'turning out' before, but I DON'T believe in getting 'turned out.' For men, if you do things with another dude you must have been curious all that time. I don't believe that a sincere heterosexual men is that weak to be convinced to do that. Just as well I find it hard to believe females go GAY because of the amount of time their hearts have been broken.

But in honestly, YES...there will always be a male/female double standard. One that I believe is that 'cute' drunken parties where chicks may lick shot off of each other's belly and do a little kissing. But that's mostly for SHOW for their, just as drunk, audience. THAT is way difference then actually experiencing the 'full course meal.' Which is HAVING a lesbian lover, having  sex and all of it. 

Females are more EMOTIONAL, right? Things have more to do with emotion than sexuality, right? Despite how I feel about it..this is said to be true. Because of this I have also thought about the amount of women that could have boyfriends and husbands with a CHICK on the side. 

Yes, thats RIGHT! Everyone is so concern with the DL MAN, what about that DL WOman!? As if women don't cheat too?...Pleeeeeeeeeease, infidelity is NOT owned by one gender and neither is the lifestyle of the 'down-low.' So how many females are out there on The Down Low?


Looking Back...

[Actual image from former high school's courtyard]
So out of boredom, I just happen to start looking through my old high school yearbook. Reminiscing...not a good thing, because my high school times were not good times.  It was rare that I could go at least a whole week without them doing something to piss me off. And it wasn't the students I had problems with, No...I didn't  get bullied or teased. The whole 4 years I only problems with one guy my junior year. He got kicked out of school though, so obviously he didn't care about his education. But it was the administration and teachers that keep bothering me.   From getting into trouble by trying to PREVENT an altercation to getting trouble for wearing skull cap in COLD weather. Yes. And of course these are the times I was REALLY getting into that damn internal WAR; Me vs. My sexuality. So that was the icing on the cake. 

You would THINK my senior year would be better, right? It's my last year. How about I had to wear UNIFORMS on my very last year. Before that...I assure I was among the BEST dressed at that school and now on my last year I had to look like everyone else. Wasting money only to buy the schools uniforms for only ONE year. Ruining the changes of ME possibly crowned 'best dressed' in the year book that year...why would the have a 'best dressed' award when everyone looks the SAME. 

And is it just ME or traditionally seniors in high school have 'special privileges'...or at least a LITTLE. As a senior I had none. If anything the FRESHMANS of that year came in and got treated like ROYALTY. That school was ASS-BACKWARDS! Actually rolling red carpet out for them would have not surprised me after all the shit they was already doing for them. I didn't get that treatment as a freshman there.   

It's also a bit depressing that I'm only featured once in the yearbook and that's in the senior picture section. No pictures of me out and about around campus like everybody else that I've seen countless times in the yearbook. 

Still regret not going out with a BANG by saying 'fuck it' and going to my prom in a all pink suit and tried harder to enjoy my prom the best I could, because I didn't enjoy it. 


What Really gets YOU Off?

Is it the solo masturbation sessions featuring a pretty dick and tasty cum?

Is it the hot and wet dick sucking?

Or it the amazing and weirdly Hot self performed oral?

Is it the 'eating out'?

Is it watching dick hungry bottom playing with his own tight hole?

Or is it simply the down right FUCKING?

How about some barebacking  'cream pies' that leaves that ass wet and filled of cum? [my favorite]


An Update: Wow its been so long...

I know it's been a long while since I have blogged...it just honestly haven't been in me lately. So I don't you all to think I am neglecting my Blogger. Therefore I'm you an update. I HAVE official decide to not go BACK to college [that may need to be something to blog in itself]...I'm going to WORK, WORK, and Work. Saving money to move away from this place that is my 'home' at the moment. My boyfriend and I are still together =)....still long distance =( My life is still BORING as always. I don't do anything but work. I know nothing else. Yeah I went on another Carnival cruise this past spring, but that's over. What's else...nothing and Yes that ME in the picture. 


NAACP Endorses Same Sex Marriage.

Ten days after President Barack Obama announced his support for same-sex marriage, the NAACP has voted to endorse it as well.
NAACP Endorses Same-Sex Marriage
The NAACP now presents itself as a counterbalance to the influence of the traditionally socially conservative black church. It can also help establish closer ties between blacks and gays, two of Obama's most loyal constituencies.

Some pro-Republican conservative evangelical activists have said Obama's announcement gives them an unusual opportunity to deflate enthusiasm among black voters for reelecting the country's first black president, who tends to win more than 90 percent support in that community.
“Civil marriage is a civil right and a matter of civil law,” NAACP president Benjamin Todd Jealous said in a statement released Saturday. “The NAACP's support for marriage equality is deeply rooted in the Fourteenth Amendment of the United States Constitution and equal protection of all people. The well-funded right wing organizations who are attempting to split our communities are no friend to civil rights, and they will not succeed.”
According to a tweet from Maxim Thorne, an NAACP officer, only two people out of the 64-member board of directors voted against the resolution, which states: "The NAACP Constitution affirmatively states our objective to ensure the 'political, education, social and economic equality' of all people. Therefore, the NAACP has opposed and will continue to oppose any national, state, local policy or legislative initiative that seeks to codify discrimination or hatred into the law or to remove the Constitutional rights of LGBT citizens. We support marriage equality consistent with equal protection under the law provided under the Fourteenth Amendment of the United States Constitution. Further, we strongly affirm the religious freedoms of all people as protected by the First Amendment."
I found this via The Root on Facebook and I don't want to mention the amount of ignorant comments about of "God is not pleased" and blah, blah. Times is changing, of course there will ALWAYS be homophobic just like there is still racism, but things are changing...for the better. With recent for Pres. Obama followed by surprising support from RAPPERS Jay Z and T.I.


Tell Them The Truth!

You know as a child growing up...the parents, the teachers, every adult that a kid knew promised them the world. They all give you the impression that life is gonna be perfect like unicorns and rainbows. They make you THINK that it's going to be easy to be successful. 

As you grow older you start to learn QUICK that it is not so. You start to see what they all told you was complete BULLSHIT. And instead of being prepared because you Already know how it is and what to do...you are NOT prepared because you didn't know it would be like this. Once you are finally old enough Life looks at you and say, "Okay you not a child anymore so here is THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, AND OH THIS!"

When this happens you get OVERWHELMED by reality. This is how people end up not knowing what to do with their life or  not knowing how to go about doing it. Because of the "LIFE IS EASY" lies we were given as a kid our dreams weren't REALISTIC. We were blinded by the falsy that "You can do what ever you put your mind to" You were not told you will have to go through BLOOD, SWEAT, TEARS to get to where you really want to be in life. You are not told that Life is gonna WHIP YO ASS, so be prepared. Oh no, we have to keep it "cute" for the kids. So you WANT to give them false hopes? Instead of telling TRUTH from the beginning so they better READY THEIR SELVES as they get older. THAT would be more of an advantage don't you think? 

Let's stop giving them fairy tales and tell children THE TRUTH. They would WORK HARDER in school, be more realistic about their future and better prepared. 


One Thing That Will Always Bother Me About Being GAY...

Is TWO men heavily  IN LOVE and want start a family together and only have TWO options: Adopt or Surrogate mother. That means TWO gay men will NEVER know what THEIR child will look like. They will NEVER know how beautiful it would be to have a child that SHARES their genetics. TWO gay men together will never be able to look at each other and say, "Baby he/she has your eyes and my nose." I know that it saddens many gay men besides Me. Some have joked about if men COULD have babies it would be birthed through our penis. Now on a serious logical note, if we COULD give birth it would probably would be through our anal.  We would  get pregnant by ejaculation into our anal. Our stomach would get BIG just like a female...we would just have to left our legs a little Higher in the hospital while giving birth, lol. The anal would dilate just like a vagina But seriously if that's the case, I would NOT mind giving birth to My man's children...and I'm SERIOUS. Him with his face to my stomach talking to our unborn baby...making him go out late at night to get FOOD, because I would have PREGNANT CRAVINGS, AHAHA! Not to mention how FUN it would be to GET  ME PREGNANT [wink, wink]

But that's 1 of the "pleasures" of being gay right?...Not being able to get pregnant...having all that unprotected, bareback, raw sex, not having to worry about pregnancy. Kinda sorta...I agree, lol...but still I WOULD LOVE to have my boyfriend's [we will get MARRIED =)] babies [<-- notice that's PLURAL]

This really hurts me, especially with me being so in love with my man and us wanting to have a family...and me being a bottom...I would NOT mind giving birth to little Ismael juniors =)

To all my bottoms/versatiles...would you mind giving birth to your man's kids, if you could? 


Turn It UPPPPP!!!!

I cannot get over the creatively and the incredible choreography in this video. Not much music videos [close to non] excite me. But this video AND the song in itself gets me PUMPED! Chris Brown's "Turn Up The Music!"


Let's Talk About Parent/Child Relationships

Some parents LOVE their children, Yes...but do they RESPECT THEM? Love AND Respect your child, that means givin them PRIVACY when they deserve it. When you are all up in they biz...I mean in EVERYTHING...come in and out in their room w/o knocking, rudely awakening them from their sleep [specially if you know that got somewhere to be and need sleep then not feel bad when you tell them you felt shitty all day cuz they messed up your sleep]...Thats not RESPECT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IT FEELS TO FEEL YOU ARE NOT RESPECTED BY YOUR PARENTS? Do you WANT your child to feel that way. It comes a certain age that your child reaches that they deserve for you to BACK OFF a little. Unless they are that shitty of a child, but if not then....yea.
 THAT was from my personal Facebook status. I am FUCKING fed up with this society's or at least a Black Family's mentality that no how old your child is...NO MATTER if they are within age were you SHOULD give them more respect and more freedom...DON'T! STILL treat them like a child regardless, making them feel like shit that YOU as a parent don't give a FUCK about them enough to RESPECT them. Love and RESPECT are two different things, I know you love me...but you DON'T respect me. I am fucking tired of my feelings NOT MATTERING unless I helping with bills...THAT'S FUCKED UP. And that's how your children gonna grow up thinking that's how it suppose to be done. NO! Yes I AM going to move out and get my OWN one day, but I should be RESPECTED as the adult I AM while I am still living with you. A man could be praised and respect to the greatest level, but when he comes to his "HOME" and is not respected NON of that matters. Because he doesn't feel like he matters in his own home....THIS IS SUPPOSE TO BE MY HOME! But I feel like I prisoner until I can leave and have my own, which I am no where near close to being able to do. And to treat me unfair and treat like a child and when I come to you about it like, "Well if you don't like it move out!" Which if I remember correctly when I first got my job 3 yrs I offered to help with bills. I was turned DOWN! <<<---This post has been in my drafts for a while because  I was going back and forth with myself asking, "What this be worth blogging about." This specific is too...OUT there, for me to go in depth with it...let's just say I'm sooo ready to get out of my parents house...mmm that's sad "my parent's house" BUT that IS suppose to be my home, but I don't like it is so. Whatever.....

I Have Learned...

That at times 
the BEST decisions could indeed 
be the hardest to make.


"I Don't Like Labels"

I HAVE said this before, but I feel it should not only be said once. Why are we keeping up this “I don’t like labels” bullshit. Its only giving people excuses NOT be real with their selves. If you dont like Labels then I guess you are NOTHING. Are u not human? a male/female? Are you not black/white/asian/etc? Are u not [what ever ur age is?] I hate to break it to you but those ARE LABELS. WHY PEOPLE ONLY SAY THAT WHEN SEXUALITY COMES UP? Real talk only gay ppl say that “I don't like labels” thing 'cause subconsciously they are offended by the TRUTH…Why would someone str8 say they don’t like labels?…'cause they ain't ashamed of being str8….let's STOP the bullshit please. At least admit to truth 
to your self.  

Are you a "Fag hag"?

If you ARE...I got a message for you, I don’t like you, and I am annoyed with you. First off it IS cool if you want to be a friends with a gay guy because  he is COOL as hell as a friend and the two of you get along WELL and the two of you just have that connection that friends should have. BUT if you want a gay friend JUST so you can basically him as your gaydar and tell you what other guy is gay…and having “chick talks” with him. Unacceptable.  ME PERSONALLY just because I am gay does NOT mean I am interested in being 1 of your “girlfriends” and have girl talk. And our “friendship” WILL NOT be based on entertaining you with my GAYNESS…I understand as my female friend you WOULD want to know things about about my sexuality, but understand Everything SHOULDNT be centered around me being gay. 


35 More Days...

Valentines day has been only 3 days ago. When I think of what I did last Valentines day...ironic. Last year, a month after February...in March I connected with Ismael, my boyfriend.  We have both agreed to make the 23rd of March our official anniversary day. It would be in 35 more days. When I think about all we went through in just a year from our computers and only meeting in the flesh once. When I think about this online gay fiction that I have been reading since my last year of high school. Yes it is a long, GREAT story. The 2 main characters, Chris and Ricardo...the lovers...have been through so much. From breaking up then on the verge of making up, then Chris moves away and just when the other was just about to move there as well, the other gets stabbed in the head, gets amnesia from it, but lives. 

He forgets of their love, but he has a connection with  the other...he just didn't know it was love, because his memory was gone. He got his memory back, not his complete memory, but just a part of it...the part that remembered the reason why he and Ricardo broke up in the first place...which lead to another barrier between them. Getting closer to the point. Somewhere down the line of it all Chris got HIV. Another barrier between them. NOW these 2 characters are ENGAGED and getting married. Despite everything they have gone through. So my point is even though this is just a gay fiction story, but it does NOT change the FACT the Love IS strong...and no matter what, if it's true love...there is NOTHING that can defeat it UNLESS you CHOOSE to give up. 

Me and my man, our situation is stressful, my boyfriend is going through things and I'm going through things. And all we can do is vent to each other on Skype, we can't physically hug each other, kiss each other...that's stressful. But we are still together, I am still with him. He has given me chances to leave, saying "I am causing you too much stress, you deserve better." Well I do have better...I have you. Do I like what you going through? No. Do I like that it makes me feel shit to know what you are going through? No. But WHY WOULD I NOT FEEL LIKE SHIT? So of course. I'm more bothered that I can't do anything about it physically. All I can do is listen to you vent. Is it stressful? I'm not going to lie and say it's not. But I am NOT going anywhere because our time will come. We have plans to live together, we are not able now in our life, but we are getting closer. TRUE LOVE always MAKES IT. 35 MORE DAYS...it will be a day of many more. 


In Peace and Music you shall REST.

We all might have told a few Whitney jokes while she was here, but her beautiful voice and talent and the Power of her music is undeniable. Regardless of what she had going on in her personal life she yet STILL carried herself like a LADY. Rest in Peace and Music Whitney Houston.


Moving on from STRESS University?

It's been awhile since I did some real blogging here...and I missed it, I just couldn't formulate any thoughts to post about. 
Not to be around the bush and getting straight to the point...I have dropped out of this college I was attending. I am sitting this Spring semester out and going back to school at a different University in the Fall. Until then I will just WORK. As you all know I have been going through so much Unnecessary stress at this school. When my problems mostly seem from the administration and the school ITSELF and Not necessarily the classes... that's a BIG ASS problem. I refuse to live with that problem any longer. 

They started by putting me in a broke down ass dorm that is NOT up to code in living conditions and safety I'm sure of it. I REQUESTED the dorm I had last school year. Having me in a financial aid "line" for 7 AM-10 PM! Started having problems with my electric and Air in my dorm, an uncomfortable bed in my dorm, a door that only closes correctly when SLAMMED! The room had a nasty facet with DIRTY WATER. A public bathroom and community showers...I am Not in jail nor was that an athletic locker room. The cafeteria kept pissing me off. And I am not gonna mention the other countless miscellaneous problems I had to deal with.

The decision for me to NOT attend SU for the Spring semester or EVER AGAIN for that matter...came in the moment, but I DON'T regret it. I was still in my right mind. The day I was prepare to leave and go home for Christmas...I was planning on returning so I did not take everything from my dorm, of course. Well it was a problem with that...those people do not know how to correctly communicate and I just decided "FUCK IT AND FUCK YOU!" my big bro, my dad, and I packed up all my shit THAT day EVEN THOUGH neither of us was prepared to bring ALL my stuff that day. What I went through that day was the Very last straw.  I couldn't even leave IN PEACE!

This only ONE thing I will miss. I was apart of the campus web radio station, under the official title of Music Director to be exact. I was responsible for keeping the music airing fresh and current. Making sure things was trimmed and faded correctly. AND I also had MY OWN web radio show too. I LOVE DOING THAT, but it is no more. Even through I loved being apart of it...it still was FAR from the LEGIT experience in radio I would have like. On THAT level...it SUCKED, but for something to do outside of classes, it was good, I guess. We wasn't funded by the school [hell the school isn't funded by the school lol that's was they just filed Bankruptcy] so  we had to raise money ourselves which means we never had the money to pull off a real spectacular event except for cute little Talent Shows and 1 Myxer (meaning: some sort of a mini party; a social get-together with music...it is done on college campuses a lot.) that NO ONE show up to. They had other little things going on before I even attended the school, BUT they was Not popular on campus and I would have LIKED to be apart of something that was already established not an organization still trying to work their way to "fame" on campus. *rolls eyes*

I was MUSIC DIRECTOR of this thing...What do I have to show for it? A few vocal compliments on a "great job!" I'm doing and a cute little general certificate that  was giving to EVERYONE on stuff. It did NOT say specifically "Good job as Music Director" Oh NO! I was NOT appreciated. I am Music Director, but when there was a Homecoming Concert with actual famous music artists performing you then you give the backstage passes to 2other people, and 1 of them wasn't even on staff until a FEW weeks before the concert. So I AM MUSIC DIRECTOR, BUT I CAN'T GET ACCESS TO THE ACTUAL MUSIC ARTISTS?! How fucking STUPID does that sound? Hell EVERYONE on staff should REALLY have had backstage passes to that concert, but if not I KNOW DAMN WELL I SHOULD HAVE HAD IT!  

Its was nice, a little...I guess for their Standards, but it was not legit. The women ahead of it was talking to another guy who is on staff, " Yeah I know people I can help you out..." because with the major he had, she knew people that worked in that field. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't know anyone in radio though..." You have NO connects to anyone in radio. How are you gonna be head of something like this and you know no one in radio. My major is Mass Communication and I'm pretty sure I want to work in radio now. But you know no one, I can't network with you. This little radio...YES, it given me experience...but it's wasn't legit enough. And I don't even I will even get a chance to even to something even close to this again. So yes, I'm still gonna miss it..and my radio show.

 Oh well...Au Revoir to Stress University, I hardly knew yee, haha.