11.26.2014

A Race With No Finish Line

There is possibly no where in America you could be right now and not know about the circumstances in Fergurson, MO. 


Murder. Injustice. Ignorance. Corruption. 



No, this is not a movie. This is reality. This has been happening. This day and age as the internet intensifies a headline, there are many more stories similar to those that of Mike Brown, Trayvon Martin, Sean Bell, Eric Garner, Oscar Grant, [etc]  that have not hit mainstream media.  

Disturbing. 

As a black man, my days are possibly numbered. My death could easily be the next thesis on racial injustice. I just can't help but think what can we do to stop the fiasco and can it Be stopped. What exactly are we fighting for and can we succeed. Certain things are easier and more rational than others. Demanding justice for Mike Brown and any one alike makes sense and requires  an IMMEDIATE response. Racism, though....

If we are as well fighting a war on racism to me seems like a less concrete thing to settle. When slavery "ended" in 1865 it was easier to say "Hey, you are NOT allowed to do this...can't have slaves." Vs. Trying to make them understand WHY it was wrong TO have slaves, because clearly even after being freed from the shackles {physically,}  getting our voting rights, desegregation, and a black president does NOT mean that this country is POST-racial. Don't think because the "WHITES ONLY" signs isn't seen by the naked eye, that the "WHITES ONLY" mentality still isn't there. Don't think because the lynches are over and we are allowed to sit in front bus that the "you can't sit here" mindset still isn't there. They just found new ways to degrade us.



It's easier to say DON'T do that than to teach WHY it's wrong TO do that.

Demanding to be respected LAWFULLY is not the same as being respected heartedly.  Lawfully is a battle we can actually win, but pushing to change an individual's mindset/mentality/personal feelings on racial issues seems like a childlike naivety such as expecting WORLD peace, HA...yeah, right. The country...this world is far from an utopia where we all will get along despite religion, sexuality, race and financial standing. 

For as long as there are differences in the roots of my hair from theirs, difference in my skin, this injustice will continue to be so. Am I being realist or a pessimist?

The one thing I cannot STAND about racial activists [I'm speaking mostly to the BLACK ones] is they try to make this wholesome argument...like "we are the world" and that we are ALL the same despite racial background, so we should respect one another. 

WRONG. 

We are NOT the same and I'm glad it's that way, because I am proud to be black. Trying to make people "see" that we are all the "same" in order for a mutual respect to formulate is apart of THE problem. People tend to NOT respect someone unless they walk, talk, and LOOK like them. What we SHOULD be teaching is that it's okay to BE different and that the differences between you and someone else should NOT depend on if you're going to respect them or not. 

Sure in-between laps you could get a few tune ups, but is this a race with no finish line?

11.23.2014

Let's Talk About Dick!

Let’s talk about Dick

Let’s talk about a H A R D Dick

When it’s standing at attention like it’s got a proclamation
I want it to be the thing behind me, making me scream

Exclamation

The point is  to give him something he can take

Let me bend over so he can taste

And pro-tip, I want more than just the tip

Give me all, no question

I know he like it when I’m begging

I ain’t too proud, the dick good, give it to me NOW

Pull my legs up where ever the wind blows

I want him so deep in me his cum comes out of my mouth when he close

When he close and he feel this ass enclose on him

When his eyes roll back and I throw it back on him

Para siempre

Forever this MY dick

Put these lips on him

He love being inside me and I love it when that dick buried deep.
Buried deep

Papi, throw it deep

Dick so bomb, I don’t what state I’m in

Michigan State, Florida State

Prostate
You hitting that

Got me reaching for the ceilings
Keep doing that  

You tryna make me cum first

Converse
Baby, make this ass talk

Make sure I can’t walk

Shit and I got things to do today, but Fuck it

Fuck it

Fuck me

Oh excuse me

I had a little moment, it happens 

When I talk about Dick

I mean a REAL HARD Dick

Then I get a HARD Dick

When I get around a HARD Dick

That hard dick turns into a SUCKED Dick

A drained and a FUCKED Dick

Never leaking dick

I take care of it, all of it

Every drop

Either it left me with a dripping hole or I swallowed it

Let’s talk about dick

Or better yet what this mouth and tight ass can do to it. 


11.20.2014

No Longer Will I...

As a black gay man 

No Longer Will I

Defend myself as black man

No Longer Will I

Defend myself as a gay man

As a minority I will no longer

Explain racism to the majority

As a homosexual I will no longer 

Explain homophobia to an heterosexual 

I'm getting too grown for this

Shit, I've outgrown this

I should not have to explain

Who I Am 

I will no longer.


11.16.2014

Possessive, Just Jealous or Just Right?



My man and I have both have establish that I [allegedly] may be the “crazy  one” of our relationship, Ha.   The one always question other’s intention with my man, quick to get in your face about my man, willing to go to jail over my man.

At times I had to sit back and think about rather is this right. Should I chill? Is this shit normal? This is among the reasons people get left…for being too protective. Then there’s a side of me that thinks FUCK THAT…I love HARD and I know I’m crazy, if dude can’t handle my attitude should NOT be with me. And baby, He CAN handle my attitude. He assures me, “I would be worried if you’re ever NOT crazy. It shows how much you love me.” Yet…I still worry. That enough will be enough and it will finally be too much and he leaves.

Everyone he has ever spoken to I've warned him about. Was it possessiveness, jealousy  or was I just right? Because every single one of them actually did end being an asshole/trifling one way or the other. I was always right about them yet I still feel like I’m manipulating the situation by keeping people away from him. Yet I was still right about them...all of them.

I tell myself I should stop tripping, but I feel I have ever fucking reason to trip. I don’t trust people and people have always given me a reason to continue with my lack of trust.


I just love him, I love him hard. I’m crazy  for him…hell, I’m psychotic for him. 

5.27.2014

The Funny Thing Is...

Oh how beautiful the homophobia and the double standards are of mass society. {sarcasm}


So let me get this, completely opposite of me, straight...it is okay when many countless amount of straight men kiss their significant others on national television. Amy Kushnir and many other Americans seem to think so. Oh, we've heard it all. "Yes I would even mind if it was a man kissing a women. Its just not right" But we know it's all lies  and we just don't believe. Simple fact, you wouldn't have a problem with a heterosexual kissing on TV, because of double standards. If you REALLY had a problem, where were you when this was happening?:





 "What about the children?" They ask. 

They don't want their children to see two MEN or two WOMEN expressing affection whom may be in love, but its not a problem for your kid to listen to certain types of music, watching certain types of shows and movies and NOT over seeing their use of the internet. These days I see all types of videos on the world wide web of children doing all types of foolish, disrespectful thing and most likely an adult is recording it all. They think it's "cute" that its "funny." WHERE'S the parental advisory  THEN?

All of the problems and violence of today and you sadly think that even the  mere knowledge of Knowing HOMOSEXUALITY exist is what could harm the youth? 

It's not a problem with a child knowing men are out there KILLING other men, but it becomes a "think about the children" debate when men are LOVING other men. 

The thing is Michael Sam was simple doing the same any other athlete would do, celebrate with his significant other...with a kiss.

On to another aspect of this. WHY do people seem to think that every gay person is out to FORCE their homosexuality down their throat?

A few months back [probably last year, I don't remember when exactly] a older family member of mine made a Facebook status pertaining to her son and another male student at his high school. I remember the whole thing verbatim, but it was something along the lines of 

"My son came to me today about all the feminate boys at his school and there's so many of them and its wrong that they are forcing their homosexuality onto him. What should I say to him..."

It was something like that, I am phrasing but that is the true gist of it. And of course the infamous notion "I don't have a problem with gay people though, BUT..." It took EVERYTHING in me not to comment on that status, because if I would have, it would have not been too pretty. I wanted to say, "How about you tell your son that just because someone is proud and confident with who THEY are is not a reflection upon him. In fact its actually subtle homophobia, ignorance, and arrogance to think what THAT is doing has anything to do with him. " 

That would have not been pretty and I have this thing where I WILL NOT try to argue with someone on THEIR status, that's not my place, unless they stated they wanted a debate. 


It kills me that people have this arrogance, that belief that everything is about them. If I wore a shirt that reads "I love dick" does that translate into "YOU should like dick too." NO, it does not...some how that think it does. But if a women wears the shirt, then I'm guessing it won't be problem. If a women expressing she likes DICK around other men, is THAT forcing the notion that THEY should like it too? I'm saying "I" like this, that is not "forcing" anything onto you. 

Of course other people did comment, but only to add to the fact gay is wrong and blah and one "christian" said "this is what happens when they take God out the school." REALLY? The subject AT HAND is about the very notion is forcing something on someone...Not everyone believes in God. So it's fine to force God on someone, but not "homosexuality" in which no one is forcing on you anyways. 

I may be beating a dead goose here, but fuck it, this is an journal entry. 

The funny thing is...

I can count with ZERO fingers how many times someone who is gay came to me about "joining them." [The fact that they don't NEED to because I'm already in the club is beside the point, Ha.]  I will in fact need both my hands, toes, and someone's else hands and toes to count how many times I've had people come up to me pertaining to God and am I a believer...those damned Christians. Funny fact is, I do believe in God which is why it doesn't bother me as much. What bothers me is the hypocrisy of it all. Imagine if I DIDN'T believe in God, how annoying would that fucking be! And its not like you would change my mind by annoying the FUCK out of me even I didn't believe in God. 


Oh and watch as that cutie Anderson Copper so fiercely  put Amy Kushnir on blast, hunty!



5.20.2014

They Want You To Think, But Not For Yourself

Life is all about conformity. They want you to THINK, but not for yourself.

When we are born, it's a small stage in a baby's life that is dedicated to being taught how to talk and walk. After that baby is walking more satisfactory and talking more fluently, it is then that the remaining time of their adolescence is dedicated to them being taught to "sit down and shut up." To be obedient. To "follow the rules" and know that their opinion and thoughts are less than important to that of an adult. 

It is an perfect example of how the rest of life works, but instead of how adults treat children...when you become an adult now it's other people with more authority and power to tell you your thoughts versus theirs mean shit. 

Inspire and encourage you to be all you can be, to be YOU, but when you do you are deemed inferior and they will go on to tear down everything you stand and everything you are. To be obedient. Although, obedience is not what they really want, conformity is what they really want.   

It doesn't start when you're an adult, oh no. They start to you early. The education system is conformity at it's finest. Think back to when you were in school. Imagine, math class...you have a math problem, you have solved it. You've shown your work, the answer is correct, but it is incorrect. Why? Because instead of being applauded for thinking on your OWN and figuring out the CORRECT answer your own way...you DIDN'T do it the way the teacher WANTED you to do it. You did not conform, therefore, you are wrong. 

They want you to think, but not for yourself. 

"Solve the problem, but do it like I TOLD you to do it." Conform like everyone else, don't think for yourself. If you DARE use a method the teacher didn't teach and they will get offended. 

If you think for yourself people. get. offended. Go figure. 


4.07.2014

I am READY, But Are My Parents...



In my last post I updated you on my new form of independence. I've gotten myself a brand new {well new to me} car, however used...it's still all mines. 

The process was more than stressful. With close to no help other than my boyfriend, which of course there was only so much he could even do from afar. No help from the 'rents, I looked and I searched for the right car for me all by my self. Ended up with and 2005 Hyundai Sonta, a car I've ALWAYS wanted...you know as a first car. 

I would have thought...I thought, my first car is a serious thing, therefore I thought I would get help. I thought they would both pitch in...you know, with the whole process. They did not. As matter of fact my REAL issue is nor how neither mom or dad help that much at all, but the fact that they did NOT help AND seemed to have much damn opinions during and after the process. THAT pissed me off. Would left a finger to help in the process, but once I started the process my damn self then they have a lot to say, right?

And hearing "You need more practice."
"You sure you ready?"
"You should wait."

And blah, blah...I know they're my parents, they suppose worry and suppose to care rather or not I'm ready. But all of the things they were saying seemed ALL negative to me. How about you give me something POSITIVE to balance it out. How about you show me that you are confident in me. How about talking to me about the PROS of me having a car instead of only saying shit to stir me completely AWAY from the idea, being that this should be something you would WANT for me. This isn't like when I wanted I tattoo. Having a car is something good.


To me there is NO such thing as "practice" with driving. You either LEARN how to drive or you don't. What am I practicing for...to be a NASCAR driver. I know how to handle the wheel, I know the traffic laws, I can control a car, I know to be alert about pedestrians and other drivers. Okay, so WHAT the hell am I "practicing?" Oh and this "practice" that I did do...it was NEVER much and THEN I had wait around until my dad FELT like taking me to drive around and LET me behind the wheel. Which DIDN'T happen much. So to look at me and tell me I need more PRACTICE when your ass don't let me do shit anyway is BULL. The whole point of having my OWN car is to not wait around around for my parents anymore. And I would NEVER have a car if I had wait around on my dad to let me behind the wheel, so I can "practice."

4.03.2014

Hi, Guys: Update.

To whom it may concern,

    Hello, you guys. It's been a while. Things have been going great, I guess. I've recently gotten my first CAR! YAY ME! Step closer to being out of my parents house and being a real adult. Just also had a great week long vacation visiting Atlanta, GA to see my boyfriend. 

See hating my job, still frustrating looking for something new. But things are more positive now than in the past.  I'm happier. 

I will try blog more. So many things I have to say...so many thoughts, but its takes a lot to formulate them into words

2.03.2014

We Know Who This Land of The "Free" Really Belongs To

If there was a federal LAW that passed right now at this very moment, that gay marriage is to be legal across the board of All 50 states of America...I would be elated, yes. But I would be dishonest if I said that I would not be insulted, why?

WELP, here we go. All through out AMERICAN history there has been individuals fighting for not only their rights, but for a place on this land of the "free." We've had women's rights, black rights. And now, even today. All that is STILL an issue, but added problems; immigrant rights [when technically we're ALL immigrants], women's rights, civil rights, and gay rights. 

Yes as a black man I can vote, but they want to create new voter ID laws to keep you from voting, nobody is stupid. We all know who that will affect. I think some people really just don't grasp the fact that it WASN'T that long ago went we didn't have those rights. And not to mention you have no rights to be black while in America without being racially profiled and killed.   Every day there is an attack on black people.

And women. It wasn't that long when they  first got their rights. Now we BACK at it again debating rather they have rights to their own body or not. And  the still evident sexism in the job market supported by lower salaries than their male counterparts.

And then we have gay marriage. Really people? It's 2014 people still have to be on the VIP list to get their rights with no question?

You want to know WHO is on the VIP list of rights? You want to know the PROBLEM in America?

Women's rights, civil rights, gay rights, immigration rights. Notice anything. 

When has the rights of white men EVER been in question?................................ I'll wait. 

If you are a heterosexual white men, a plus if you're rich, then your rights has never been in question, but then again of course not because YOU have created the VIP list, naw scratch that...you OWN the club. 

When has there been a blunt and obvious attack on the rights of white men. I'm not talking about general shit that would apply to everyone. I'm talking about legislation bluntly anti-male Caucasian. It doesn't happen because you can't can't kick the owner out of his own club.  

THAT is the problem America. Is that it could be the COLOR of your skin, or your sexual preference, or your GENDER to simply be ENOUGH to have your rights QUESTIONED.  WHY ARE WE STILL VOTING ON PEOPLE'S RIGHTS IN 2014!!!!

I'm insulted that MY RIGHTS is something that can be VOTED on. If they can VOTE to give it, then they can vote to take it AWAY. Really? MY LIFE/MY RIGHTS...in the HANDS OF ANOTHER PERSON. Didn't know we still gotta EARN or really FIGHT to get that rights we were suppose to just be BORN into, right? My rights being debated.

America WILL NEVER evolve until we get to the point where the LINE that makes ONE American more special than the next is BLURRED. But that won't happen. The naive and innocent child in me would hope so, but then again that child wants world peace too. 

Here I am. A working class citizen who pays my taxes, not on the wrong side of the law...yet I don't "deserve" my simple and fundamental rights. Fucked up, shawty. I can't get even get married in the state that is taking my fucking hard earned money in taxes. I feel like a prostitute...I'm getting screwed, making money and my PIMP is taking it from me without giving me a damn thing back.

Land of the "free" huh? I guess so, where the majority is FREE to vote on the rights of the minority. 

Oh and before sensitive people get butthurt about this...this wasn't to SHAME any white man. But I'm just keeping it fucking real.   





1.09.2014

Unemployed Black Woman Pretends to be White, Job Offers Suddenly Skyrocket



If you don’t believe that racism in the job market is real, then please read this article by Yolanda Spivey.  Spivey, who was seeking work in the insurance industry, found that she wasn’t getting any job offers.  But as an experiment, she changed her name to Bianca White, to see if employers would respond differently.  You’ll be shocked and amazed by her phenomenal story. 
Before I begin, let me quote the late, great, Booker T. Washington who said, “Of all forms of slavery there is none that is so harmful and degrading as that form of slavery which tempts one human being to hate another by reason of his race or color.”
For two years, I have been unemployed. In the beginning, I applied to more than three hundred open positions in the insurance industry—an industry that I’ve worked in for the previous ten years. Not one employer responded to my resume. So, I enrolled back into college to finish my degree. After completing school this past May, I resumed my search for employment and was quite shocked that I wasn’t getting a single response. I usually applied for positions advertised on the popular website Monster.com. I’d used it in the past and have been successful in obtaining jobs through it.
Two years ago, I noticed that Monster.com had added a “diversity questionnaire” to the site. This gives an applicant the opportunity to identify their sex and race to potential employers. Monster.com guarantees that this “option” will not jeopardize your chances of gaining employment. You must answer this questionnaire in order to apply to a posted position—it cannot be skipped. At times, I would mark off that I was a Black female, but then I thought, this might be hurting my chances of getting employed, so I started selecting the “decline to identify” option instead. That still had no effect on my getting a job. So I decided to try an experiment: I created a fake job applicant and called her Bianca White.
First, I created an email account and resume for Bianca. I kept the same employment history and educational background on her resume that was listed on my own. But I removed my home phone number, kept my listed cell phone number, and changed my cell phone greeting to say, “You have reached Bianca White. Please leave a message.” Then I created an online Monster.com account, listed Bianca as a White woman on the diversity questionnaire, and activated the account.
That very same day, I received a phone call. The next day, my phone line and Bianca’s email address, were packed with potential employers calling for an interview. I was stunned. More shocking was that some employers, mostly Caucasian-sounding women, were calling Bianca more than once, desperate to get an interview with her. All along, my real Monster.com account was open and active; but, despite having the same background as Bianca, I received no phone calls. Two jobs actually did email me and Bianca at the same time. But they were commission only sales positions. Potential positions offering a competitive salary and benefits all went to Bianca.
At the end of my little experiment, (which lasted a week), Bianca White had received nine phone calls—I received none. Bianca had received a total of seven emails, while I’d only received two, which again happen to have been the same emails Bianca received. Let me also point out that one of the emails that contacted Bianca for a job wanted her to relocate to a different state, all expenses paid, should she be willing to make that commitment. In the end, a total of twenty-four employers looked at Bianca’s resume while only ten looked at mines.
Is this a conspiracy, or what? I’m almost convinced that White Americans aren’t suffering from disparaging unemployment rates as their Black counterpart because all the jobs are being saved for other White people.
My little experiment certainly proved a few things. First, I learned that answering the diversity questionnaire on job sites such as Monster.com’s may work against minorities, as employers are judging whom they hire based on it. Second, I learned to suspect that resumes with ethnic names may go into the wastebasket and never see the light of day.
Other than being chronically out of work, I embarked on this little experiment because of a young woman I met while I was in school. She was a twenty-two-year-old Caucasian woman who, like myself, was about to graduate. She was so excited about a job she had just gotten with a well-known sporting franchise. She had no prior work experience and had applied for a clerical position, but was offered a higher post as an executive manager making close to six figures. I was curious to know how she’d been able to land such a position. She was candid in telling me that the human resource person who’d hired her just “liked” her and told her that she deserved to be in a higher position. The HR person was also Caucasian.
Another reason that pushed me to do this experiment is because of the media. There’s not a day that goes by in which I fail to see a news program about how tough the job market is. Recently, while I was watching a report on underemployed and underpaid Americans, I saw a middle aged White man complaining that he was making only $80,000 which was $30,000 less than what he was making before. I thought to myself that in this economy, many would feel they’d hit the jackpot if they made 80K a year.
In conclusion, I would like to once again quote the late, great, Booker T. Washington when he said, “You can’t hold a man down without staying down with him.”
The more America continues to hold back great candidates based on race, the more our economy is going to stay in a rut. We all need each other to prosper, flourish, and to move ahead.

[via Selfuni]

Some People...




Some people can’t/won’t stomach the truth. Therefore, they want a beautiful lie because it’s more convenient. Easier to deal with. Because knowing the TRUTH is a burden. 
And many times knowing requires DOING. You don’t have to “DO” anything with a lie, lying let’s you pass, but TRUTH requires ACTION.

11.17.2013

The White Man Made You Gay: In The Mind of A Black Radical

Trying to get more in touch with my people, other like minded intellectual people of black blood. Black political people worried about more than what's going on in pop culture, but having no problems voicing their opinions on race and racism...no matter how radical, holding no punches. I got my wish. Liking many BLACK based Facebook pages in which I end up having to unfollow ultimately when voicing their unwarranted opinions on the black man and homosexuality.  

I've tried, but I have come to the conclusion that those are not my type of people. The radical heterosexual black revolutionaries, activist and philosophers...the problem, these type of people mostly end up HOMOPHOBIC. They have it in their mind that the black man are meant to be hyper-masculine and if any less then he is a disgrace to the African-American race and is weak. The damaging belief that the black GAY man does not exist or that it would not exist unless the WHITE MAN manipulated the black gay man and made it happen. They insist that the white man and pop culture are responsible for emasculating the black man that has in turn made the black man gay and feminine. Because apparently a black GAY man would NOT exist otherwise.  

Forgetting that there is NO rationality in that assumption AT ALL. Looking at all black homosexuals in a bad light, forgetting that many played a part in BLACK HISTORY, which they have no problems ignoring. And I can't for the LIFE of me figure out how could they be so pro-black yet look at their gay/black brother and sister and dismiss them. 

I am able to agree with some of their posts, but many of them are so outrageously irrational that I cannot take it seriously. How they feel about black homosexuality is clearly it. 

I respect the argument that I could have "chose" to be gay [however, wrong] rather than saying I'm gay because "The Man" made me gay. SMH

Welp, they can stove it up their ass...I'm black and gay. It's nobodies fault because  I was born this way. 




9.04.2013

Putting Things in Perspective



So last night I put things in perspective...well actually my mother did. Realizing that it's got to be something special coming to our family because we are ALL going through things. It's everyone close to me. I am ashamed that I never thought about mother, father, and brother's problem as a whole.

Everyday I have to deal with the trials and tribulations of being in a long distance relationship with the love of my life. Everyday is a struggle to save money to live together when he has car note, car insurance, and phone bill to pay. And me, not being paid much at my job AND my hours being cut lately. Only talking on the weekends because his job is overnight. His car just broke down yesterday morning so the dollars that were saved up for us is going to have to go to getting that car fixed. And no I'm not blaming him.

My brothers buried marriage [which I have came to the conclusion my "sister-in-law" is a SLUT to put it nicely] my father has been unemployed for months, pushed out because of corrupted managers that simply didn't like him because he wasn't kissing ass. My mother may be FORCED into retirement because a private corporation is buying the medical center formerly own by the state. But this is the "American way" corporations owning everything with more power than the government.

Mother says "there's something good coming to us" and God is on our side. Which is true, yet still thinking about everything as a WHOLE is depressing.

Is something coming...a blessing or just more "hardships" because my patience is being tried. If this is a life lesson, I believe I've learned it by now. God...homie, could you give me a BREAK?