I am READY, But Are My Parents...

In my last post I updated you on my new form of independence. I've gotten myself a brand new {well new to me} car, however used...it's still all mines. 

The process was more than stressful. With close to no help other than my boyfriend, which of course there was only so much he could even do from afar. No help from the 'rents, I looked and I searched for the right car for me all by my self. Ended up with and 2005 Hyundai Sonta, a car I've ALWAYS wanted...you know as a first car. 

I would have thought...I thought, my first car is a serious thing, therefore I thought I would get help. I thought they would both pitch in...you know, with the whole process. They did not. As matter of fact my REAL issue is nor how neither mom or dad help that much at all, but the fact that they did NOT help AND seemed to have much damn opinions during and after the process. THAT pissed me off. Would left a finger to help in the process, but once I started the process my damn self then they have a lot to say, right?

And hearing "You need more practice."
"You sure you ready?"
"You should wait."

And blah, blah...I know they're my parents, they suppose worry and suppose to care rather or not I'm ready. But all of the things they were saying seemed ALL negative to me. How about you give me something POSITIVE to balance it out. How about you show me that you are confident in me. How about talking to me about the PROS of me having a car instead of only saying shit to stir me completely AWAY from the idea, being that this should be something you would WANT for me. This isn't like when I wanted I tattoo. Having a car is something good.

To me there is NO such thing as "practice" with driving. You either LEARN how to drive or you don't. What am I practicing for...to be a NASCAR driver. I know how to handle the wheel, I know the traffic laws, I can control a car, I know to be alert about pedestrians and other drivers. Okay, so WHAT the hell am I "practicing?" Oh and this "practice" that I did do...it was NEVER much and THEN I had wait around until my dad FELT like taking me to drive around and LET me behind the wheel. Which DIDN'T happen much. So to look at me and tell me I need more PRACTICE when your ass don't let me do shit anyway is BULL. The whole point of having my OWN car is to not wait around around for my parents anymore. And I would NEVER have a car if I had wait around on my dad to let me behind the wheel, so I can "practice."


Hi, Guys: Update.

To whom it may concern,

    Hello, you guys. It's been a while. Things have been going great, I guess. I've recently gotten my first CAR! YAY ME! Step closer to being out of my parents house and being a real adult. Just also had a great week long vacation visiting Atlanta, GA to see my boyfriend. 

See hating my job, still frustrating looking for something new. But things are more positive now than in the past.  I'm happier. 

I will try blog more. So many things I have to say...so many thoughts, but its takes a lot to formulate them into words


We Know Who This Land of The "Free" Really Belongs To

If there was a federal LAW that passed right now at this very moment, that gay marriage is to be legal across the board of All 50 states of America...I would be elated, yes. But I would be dishonest if I said that I would not be insulted, why?

WELP, here we go. All through out AMERICAN history there has been individuals fighting for not only their rights, but for a place on this land of the "free." We've had women's rights, black rights. And now, even today. All that is STILL an issue, but added problems; immigrant rights [when technically we're ALL immigrants], women's rights, civil rights, and gay rights. 

Yes as a black man I can vote, but they want to create new voter ID laws to keep you from voting, nobody is stupid. We all know who that will affect. I think some people really just don't grasp the fact that it WASN'T that long ago went we didn't have those rights. And not to mention you have no rights to be black while in America without being racially profiled and killed.   Every day there is an attack on black people.

And women. It wasn't that long when they  first got their rights. Now we BACK at it again debating rather they have rights to their own body or not. And  the still evident sexism in the job market supported by lower salaries than their male counterparts.

And then we have gay marriage. Really people? It's 2014 people still have to be on the VIP list to get their rights with no question?

You want to know WHO is on the VIP list of rights? You want to know the PROBLEM in America?

Women's rights, civil rights, gay rights, immigration rights. Notice anything. 

When has the rights of white men EVER been in question?................................ I'll wait. 

If you are a heterosexual white men, a plus if you're rich, then your rights has never been in question, but then again of course not because YOU have created the VIP list, naw scratch that...you OWN the club. 

When has there been a blunt and obvious attack on the rights of white men. I'm not talking about general shit that would apply to everyone. I'm talking about legislation bluntly anti-male Caucasian. It doesn't happen because you can't can't kick the owner out of his own club.  

THAT is the problem America. Is that it could be the COLOR of your skin, or your sexual preference, or your GENDER to simply be ENOUGH to have your rights QUESTIONED.  WHY ARE WE STILL VOTING ON PEOPLE'S RIGHTS IN 2014!!!!

I'm insulted that MY RIGHTS is something that can be VOTED on. If they can VOTE to give it, then they can vote to take it AWAY. Really? MY LIFE/MY RIGHTS...in the HANDS OF ANOTHER PERSON. Didn't know we still gotta EARN or really FIGHT to get that rights we were suppose to just be BORN into, right? My rights being debated.

America WILL NEVER evolve until we get to the point where the LINE that makes ONE American more special than the next is BLURRED. But that won't happen. The naive and innocent child in me would hope so, but then again that child wants world peace too. 

Here I am. A working class citizen who pays my taxes, not on the wrong side of the law...yet I don't "deserve" my simple and fundamental rights. Fucked up, shawty. I can't get even get married in the state that is taking my fucking hard earned money in taxes. I feel like a prostitute...I'm getting screwed, making money and my PIMP is taking it from me without giving me a damn thing back.

Land of the "free" huh? I guess so, where the majority is FREE to vote on the rights of the minority. 

Oh and before sensitive people get butthurt about this...this wasn't to SHAME any white man. But I'm just keeping it fucking real.   


Unemployed Black Woman Pretends to be White, Job Offers Suddenly Skyrocket

If you don’t believe that racism in the job market is real, then please read this article by Yolanda Spivey.  Spivey, who was seeking work in the insurance industry, found that she wasn’t getting any job offers.  But as an experiment, she changed her name to Bianca White, to see if employers would respond differently.  You’ll be shocked and amazed by her phenomenal story. 
Before I begin, let me quote the late, great, Booker T. Washington who said, “Of all forms of slavery there is none that is so harmful and degrading as that form of slavery which tempts one human being to hate another by reason of his race or color.”
For two years, I have been unemployed. In the beginning, I applied to more than three hundred open positions in the insurance industry—an industry that I’ve worked in for the previous ten years. Not one employer responded to my resume. So, I enrolled back into college to finish my degree. After completing school this past May, I resumed my search for employment and was quite shocked that I wasn’t getting a single response. I usually applied for positions advertised on the popular website Monster.com. I’d used it in the past and have been successful in obtaining jobs through it.
Two years ago, I noticed that Monster.com had added a “diversity questionnaire” to the site. This gives an applicant the opportunity to identify their sex and race to potential employers. Monster.com guarantees that this “option” will not jeopardize your chances of gaining employment. You must answer this questionnaire in order to apply to a posted position—it cannot be skipped. At times, I would mark off that I was a Black female, but then I thought, this might be hurting my chances of getting employed, so I started selecting the “decline to identify” option instead. That still had no effect on my getting a job. So I decided to try an experiment: I created a fake job applicant and called her Bianca White.
First, I created an email account and resume for Bianca. I kept the same employment history and educational background on her resume that was listed on my own. But I removed my home phone number, kept my listed cell phone number, and changed my cell phone greeting to say, “You have reached Bianca White. Please leave a message.” Then I created an online Monster.com account, listed Bianca as a White woman on the diversity questionnaire, and activated the account.
That very same day, I received a phone call. The next day, my phone line and Bianca’s email address, were packed with potential employers calling for an interview. I was stunned. More shocking was that some employers, mostly Caucasian-sounding women, were calling Bianca more than once, desperate to get an interview with her. All along, my real Monster.com account was open and active; but, despite having the same background as Bianca, I received no phone calls. Two jobs actually did email me and Bianca at the same time. But they were commission only sales positions. Potential positions offering a competitive salary and benefits all went to Bianca.
At the end of my little experiment, (which lasted a week), Bianca White had received nine phone calls—I received none. Bianca had received a total of seven emails, while I’d only received two, which again happen to have been the same emails Bianca received. Let me also point out that one of the emails that contacted Bianca for a job wanted her to relocate to a different state, all expenses paid, should she be willing to make that commitment. In the end, a total of twenty-four employers looked at Bianca’s resume while only ten looked at mines.
Is this a conspiracy, or what? I’m almost convinced that White Americans aren’t suffering from disparaging unemployment rates as their Black counterpart because all the jobs are being saved for other White people.
My little experiment certainly proved a few things. First, I learned that answering the diversity questionnaire on job sites such as Monster.com’s may work against minorities, as employers are judging whom they hire based on it. Second, I learned to suspect that resumes with ethnic names may go into the wastebasket and never see the light of day.
Other than being chronically out of work, I embarked on this little experiment because of a young woman I met while I was in school. She was a twenty-two-year-old Caucasian woman who, like myself, was about to graduate. She was so excited about a job she had just gotten with a well-known sporting franchise. She had no prior work experience and had applied for a clerical position, but was offered a higher post as an executive manager making close to six figures. I was curious to know how she’d been able to land such a position. She was candid in telling me that the human resource person who’d hired her just “liked” her and told her that she deserved to be in a higher position. The HR person was also Caucasian.
Another reason that pushed me to do this experiment is because of the media. There’s not a day that goes by in which I fail to see a news program about how tough the job market is. Recently, while I was watching a report on underemployed and underpaid Americans, I saw a middle aged White man complaining that he was making only $80,000 which was $30,000 less than what he was making before. I thought to myself that in this economy, many would feel they’d hit the jackpot if they made 80K a year.
In conclusion, I would like to once again quote the late, great, Booker T. Washington when he said, “You can’t hold a man down without staying down with him.”
The more America continues to hold back great candidates based on race, the more our economy is going to stay in a rut. We all need each other to prosper, flourish, and to move ahead.

[via Selfuni]

Some People...

Some people can’t/won’t stomach the truth. Therefore, they want a beautiful lie because it’s more convenient. Easier to deal with. Because knowing the TRUTH is a burden. 
And many times knowing requires DOING. You don’t have to “DO” anything with a lie, lying let’s you pass, but TRUTH requires ACTION.


The White Man Made You Gay: In The Mind of A Black Radical

Trying to get more in touch with my people, other like minded intellectual people of black blood. Black political people worried about more than what's going on in pop culture, but having no problems voicing their opinions on race and racism...no matter how radical, holding no punches. I got my wish. Liking many BLACK based Facebook pages in which I end up having to unfollow ultimately when voicing their unwarranted opinions on the black man and homosexuality.  

I've tried, but I have come to the conclusion that those are not my type of people. The radical heterosexual black revolutionaries, activist and philosophers...the problem, these type of people mostly end up HOMOPHOBIC. They have it in their mind that the black man are meant to be hyper-masculine and if any less then he is a disgrace to the African-American race and is weak. The damaging belief that the black GAY man does not exist or that it would not exist unless the WHITE MAN manipulated the black gay man and made it happen. They insist that the white man and pop culture are responsible for emasculating the black man that has in turn made the black man gay and feminine. Because apparently a black GAY man would NOT exist otherwise.  

Forgetting that there is NO rationality in that assumption AT ALL. Looking at all black homosexuals in a bad light, forgetting that many played a part in BLACK HISTORY, which they have no problems ignoring. And I can't for the LIFE of me figure out how could they be so pro-black yet look at their gay/black brother and sister and dismiss them. 

I am able to agree with some of their posts, but many of them are so outrageously irrational that I cannot take it seriously. How they feel about black homosexuality is clearly it. 

I respect the argument that I could have "chose" to be gay [however, wrong] rather than saying I'm gay because "The Man" made me gay. SMH

Welp, they can stove it up their ass...I'm black and gay. It's nobodies fault because  I was born this way. 


Putting Things in Perspective

So last night I put things in perspective...well actually my mother did. Realizing that it's got to be something special coming to our family because we are ALL going through things. It's everyone close to me. I am ashamed that I never thought about mother, father, and brother's problem as a whole.

Everyday I have to deal with the trials and tribulations of being in a long distance relationship with the love of my life. Everyday is a struggle to save money to live together when he has car note, car insurance, and phone bill to pay. And me, not being paid much at my job AND my hours being cut lately. Only talking on the weekends because his job is overnight. His car just broke down yesterday morning so the dollars that were saved up for us is going to have to go to getting that car fixed. And no I'm not blaming him.

My brothers buried marriage [which I have came to the conclusion my "sister-in-law" is a SLUT to put it nicely] my father has been unemployed for months, pushed out because of corrupted managers that simply didn't like him because he wasn't kissing ass. My mother may be FORCED into retirement because a private corporation is buying the medical center formerly own by the state. But this is the "American way" corporations owning everything with more power than the government.

Mother says "there's something good coming to us" and God is on our side. Which is true, yet still thinking about everything as a WHOLE is depressing.

Is something coming...a blessing or just more "hardships" because my patience is being tried. If this is a life lesson, I believe I've learned it by now. God...homie, could you give me a BREAK?


Religion Policing Morals.

I think its very SAD how we let religion define morality.
To let the bible police what’s wrong or bad...will create a bias dysfunctional society. And it has. You don’t need God, Jesus, nor the bible to tell you how to treat ALL people with respect including yourself and be the best and sincerest person you can be. Not every one is religious or even believes in God, but that does NOT automatically make seem an evil person. The bible clearly bases what's wrong or what's right on religious views. But I believe that values that make a good person goes PASS religion and doesn't necessarily have to include religious values. You can be a great person and it would have nothing to do with religion.      
The bible just makes people further judgmental and basing your character on trivial things that has NOTHING to do with how much of a truly great person that individual could be. 
if that person is gay, they may be willing to take a bullet for YOU. So what if a person is atheist, they might be willing to give you place to stay when you are falling on hard times. 
Religion is used to further CONTROL society and give us more RULES to live by that has NOTHING to do with being a great person. 


Throwing Stones Are We?....

Before acting in a 'Holier Than Thou' 

manner, you better make DAMN sure there 

are no bones sticking out your closet.


The Cheater And The Cheatwither

Why do people cheat or better yet why do other people knowing mess around with someone who is taken?

People could cheat for a number of reasons; sexual fulfillment,  emotional fulfillment, or they could actually have the "perfect" relationship, but be taking their relationship for granted and wanting more. Let's talk about the OTHER half of the infidelity spectrum...the ones who the cheater is cheating WITH.



Outrage, is an epic 2009 documentary about CLOSETED politicians taking part of damaging the LGBT community by supporting  anti-gay legislation. 

A few weeks ago I found 'Outrage' by way of Netflix. It was the greatest documentary I've seen in a while. It sadden me, pissed me off, and made me happy all at once.

Documentary begins discussing the despicable Sen. Larry Craig. A strong supporter of anti-gay legislation, but arrested in a "cruising" scandal involving a public restroom of a  Minneapolis airport with another MALE. In which he plead guilty to, but later denied involvement after scandal was made public. Prior to his own sexual escapades, he also was a big critic of the Pres. Clinton and Monica scandal, stating Bill was a "bad nasty naughty boy" and the American people shouldn't trust him. Multiple men admitting to being sexual involved with Craig despite marriage to wife and pushing the anti-gay laws. 

Then the film discusses Gov. Charlie Crist who also had "alleged" involvement with varies men and was also single. He is believed to have paid for a stand in girlfriend, they "broke up" soon after. When said "ex girlfriend" was asked to comment on Gov. Crist in documentary  she responded saying, "I think I should keep my mouth closed, call me back 10 years from now...then I'll give you a story." Crist continued his support of anti-gay legislation and later married another women. 


My Bias Is NOT With You!

I know I am very late on this subject, but whatever. Recently FLOTUS spoke at a fundraiser and to get straight to the point...she was heckled. Heckle by non other than a gay rights activist who is an lesbian.  

I'm sorry, but  not really. I cannot stand by her, this heckler [such an awkward word, ewww] because we both are gay. She was WRONG and it was an inappropriate time and she only made HERSELF look stupid and crazy. Knowing that the Obamas are the MOST supporting political figures of the GAY RIGHTS MOVEMENT at the moment, why disrespect her like that? 

I want to know if she is "taking a stand" at any other political figures who are PUBLICLY AGAINST gay rights. This women demands executive order from Obama...first of all that Michelle's HUSBAND you should be taking that up with, not her. I feel like she probably won't have the "balls" to actually do it to Barack. Furthermore, she must not understand how politics and the Supreme Court works. That "order" would still have to go through THEM. 

America is getting better with it's gay tolerance  but we are definitely NOT there yet. An executive order would be useless at this time. Pressure needs to be put on SOCIETY, not the president. The major of society is whats shaping this movement right now. And honestly I was EMBARRASSED by Ms. Sturtz  antics.  


Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself...

I  had a long talk with my father because of some shit that was said last Wednesday and as you would guess had a lot to do with me being gay. With him taking shots at,  ”you be looking pictures of naked men and shit, now if it were women…” Blah, blah. It hurt and I told him so. 
We had a long talk with me basically telling him I am gay and it AIN’T no changing it. And I am not gay ‘cause Im choosing it…I am not gay ‘cause I am choosing not be with a female, I am gay because there is NO female that exist that I would be happy with cause PUSSY is not what I want, PERIOD![I didnt say pussy though, of course lol] I told you can’t say you “love” me, but dismiss something that APART of who I am…being gay is NOT a opinion that you can just “disagree” with and everything is still alright, I told him. 
Now my dad is a hardass type of person, rarely affection, but he does let me know that he loves me and my bro often, but I am willing [for now] to take what I have. He has stated “I will support you and want you to be happy, but I’mma still have a opinion about it.” I’mma take that, I ask would he see himself even being at my wedding when that time comes [because it WILL be with a man] he said yes. Time will, if his problem with me being gay is much bigger…IT WILL SHOW!
For the most part I think he is worried about the shit I will have to deal with from people as a homosexual. I told I know all that but I am not toning myself down and being secret because of other people. You have many men with girlfriends and WIVES, but messing with men, because they are ashamed and scared of others.You should be PROUD that I am not and I am READY for this journey. 
And I am still on the journey of coming out, I remember the first person who i came out to…one of my female friends, then my ma [who no doubt is dealing with it better than my father], etc. My older brother is still left to take care of.
But last week a co-worker ask me was I gay, not that it was his DAMN business but regardless I told him yes. 
AND IT FEEL GOOD, SO GOOD TO SAY YES I AM GAY. And I continued on working like it was nothing. 
Now on social sites I have tried to be discreet as possible. Like Twitter and Facebook, IG. But on twitter I started to care less and I got family and co-workers that follow me...shit I used to care about being careful what I tweet and WHO I tweet. Dont care anymore. On my personal facebook I am VERY PRO gay-rights, thats something I used to be scared of doing. I know people be seeing that thinking “hmmm he seems to be pushing that A LOT” to the point of it being suspect, but I don’t care. And IG…with all of my gay ass pictures and shit with my wanna-be-model ass its so clear Im gay lmao
Starting S-FIT-C[Essfitcee] that are acronyms that mean, speaking from in the closet…I don’t really consider me really in the closet anymore. Hell someone asked was I gay at work and I said, YES. lol But I have came a LONG way since my creation of ESSFITCEE. 
Allow me to reintroduced myself, my name is Stephen, founder of ESSFITCEE, and I am a black gay man.