:sighs: I STILL think about You...

  

  Its been a year, SIX months, and TWENTY-TWO days since May 22nd of 2009, the day we graduated high school. I haven't SEEN you in the flesh since, but you're STILL on my mind. YOU was the one that ADDED fuel to the Fire when I was going thru the motions with my sexuality. You know the story of the closeted confused gay teen IN LOVE with the STRAIGHT boi...yea That was the story of my life. EVERY night I dreamt about You making Love to ME, holding ME, saying you Love ME! You KNOW your life SUCKS when you look forward to sleep 'cause you KNOW its your ONLY happy time. I wrote SOOOO many  poems dedicated to You. You're Tall, Smart, had a Sense of Humor, Athletic, you were HOT, and you had a HOT body...I admired you. I was SURE I was in love with you, then I told myself I wasn't...I told myself I'm in Lust with you, then I told myself Blah,blah...I was obsessed, infatuated, it didn't matter WHAT it was...'cause ALLL of those things ARE feelings, so no matter WHAT I had FEELINS for YOU, no matter WHAT those feelins was. You made me slushy on the inside, when ever you spoke, hell EVEN when I simply HEARD your name, the person who said it didnt even have to be talking about You...there's LOTS of people in this world with That name. I was ALWAYS soo excited when you spoke to me, when you would say,"Hi" to me, but of course I couldn't show it, so I gave the infamous,"Sup" afterwards I always fought with myself telling myself I SHOULDA appeared More happy to talk to you.

      I HAD you as a friend on Myspace, at the Time when I added you really wasn't THAT big of deal, but later on I'm was SOOOO glad I had You in my friends list, so I could look at your pictures and FEAST on your BEAUTY like I couldn't do at school. So as time progress my feelins went DEEPER, the More DEEPER it went, the MORE I wanted you DEEP inside ME, but ahhh let's NOT make this sexual, HaHa. Anyway I  thought about tellin you all this...I thought writing you an anonymous note but HOW THE HELL would give it to you AND you just MIGHT know my handwriting anyway, we Did have class together. Sooo I THOUGHT about creating a profile on Myspace that Sole purpose would serve as my *note, I would NOT have NO type of info on it, just send you a message, and delete it once I see you have read it. You WON'T know that it was ME, but at least you'll know how I feel. I EVEN went as FAR as To PRINT out TWO of your pics, so I wouldn't have to be on the computer to see you. Stalker-ish, kinda...maybe, but Whatev. THAT was my only way to really look at you like wanted to...SO imagine My despair when You DELETED you Myspace for some reason. I search and search almost every damn day to see if you maybe created a New one...One day it happen, put a smile on my face. I was getting PISSED 'cause one time you had you page Private, the next it wasn't, the next your page was open but your Pics was private, UGH! I was TOOO shy to add you Again, AS STUPID as It sounds I felt like just by adding you would KNOW, I felt like adding you was telling you I  WANTED YOU!...too scared to click that *Add Friend* button. Your pics from then on out STAYed private, but I still was getting all I could get out of your default picture, but that stopped 'cause now you never on Myspace, sooooo I COULDNT SEE YOU ANYMORE, I stop visiting your page. As the time I noted earlier started to be set in motion I started to think about you LESS and LESS...I THOUGHT I was over you Until...

I found your Facebook Long after creating mines upon the realization that many people are leaving Myspace in the Dust, HaHa. But anyway I found it And when I TELL you I stopped BREATHING for like a second or so, BELIEVE ME. You KNOW what THAT meant, it meant NEW pictures of YOU. You think you OVER someone until you SEE them again...you ARE STILL soooo BEAUTIFUL! I can again feast on your beauty the way I CAN'T do personally. Looking at your statuses, feeling like I'm apart of your life because of the piece of info I'm getting from it. Your Body is STILL hot, I STILL wanna be Wrapped in THOSE arms of yours. You have so many shirtless pics{moans} a picture of you sleeping, so I now know how angelic(in a Manly way of course) you would look sleep beside ME, a picture of you smiling...you Always had an amazing smile...UGH and Again I'm too scared to add you... You STILL in my Heart Jay <3