6.30.2010

The Ten Step Plan To Complete Chris Brown's Comeback


Saw this on streetlevel.com, thought it was FUNNY but a lil TRUE,lol.
Alright Chris, you got us with your heartfelt tribute to Michael Jackson at the 2010 BET Awards. We're paying attention to you again. But what are you going to do now that the world is waiting for your next move. Surely you must capitalize on the momentum you gained. But if you aren't sure what to do next, allow the good folks at StreetLevel to provide you with our "Ten Step Plan To Complete Chris Brown's Comeback." You can thank us later (no Drake).


1) Record Your Version Of "Man In The Mirror" Now!

Chris, if you haven't already, please record your own version of "Man in the Mirror" and get it out there as soon as possible. Since your tears delivered the best performance of the night, record a version that is the final statement announcing how you have turned the corner and made a change. Some people may call blasphemy, but they don't buy your albums anyway.


2) Never, ever discuss the Rihanna situation again (or for at least 3 years)

There's nothing that you can say that will ever rectify the situation. Chalk it up to a mistake and keep it pushing. If you utter her name, you bring back all the memories that put you in the doghouse in the first place.


3) Don't Wear Anything Like This Again!

Bruh, this was not the look. We don't know if you thought it was fresh, but you looked like a hood superzero. Only Prince can rock anything like this. Hell, he rocked a turtleneck nightgown with his face on it and nobody said squat. You, on the other hand, need to leave the experimental garb to Andre 3000.


4) Keep Your Shirt On

The ladies love you. But when you take your shirt off and there's somebody like Trey Songz making ladies fall apart when he sheds his clothing around, you will always lose. Let the girls love your boyish looks and leave the stripping to some of these other dudes.


5) Record An Album ASAP

That Graffiti nonsense just wasn't the album anyone expected. It was way too soon and the material just didn't fit. First you wanted to "transform" chicks and then you were begging and "crawling" back to their good graces. It was awkward. Go ahead and act like that album never existed and make the album your fans will really appreciate.


6) Don't Let Your Bow Tie Overshadow Another Interview

It's sad that nobody remembers anything you said in the Larry King interview. But that baby blue bow tie your rocked spoke in volumes and will never, ever be forgotten. We know that you may be tempted to wear that thing again, but take a little advice from us: DON'T. It owns you, you don't own it.


7) Smile

You've done a great deal of mean mugging lately. Your smile is what made the ladies melt. The ice grill is for the real thugs, not the lanky dancing thugs from "West Side Story." (Oh...and a Justin Bieber collaboration certainly won't hurt either.)


8) Stay Far, Far Away From Fights And Anything With Physical Activity

We're still not sure why you chose to sing the national anthem at the Mayweather Vs Mosley boxing match, but we can tell you that a fight is the last place you need to be seen. Twitter erupted with punchlines and a smattering of boos could be heard from the crowd. Bold move holmes, don't do it again.


9) Find A Way To Get Rid Of Trey Songz

Trey Songz vaulted into your spot as soon as you went down. In order to take back what is rightfully yours, you must find a way to sabotage Trigga's future. He didn't do himself any favors by performing "Purple Rain" in front of Prince at the BET Awards. The Purple One's side eye swiftly dismantled any momentum he gained. Now it is up to you to call Tonya Hardy and Jeff Gillooly to Nancy Kerrigan him.


10) Stay Single

We know this may sound difficult, but do your best to keep from being romantically linked to anyone. For R&B stars like yourself, getting hooked up with another female can do more harm than good. Ask Usher. The object of the game is to keep your estrogen filled fans thinking that they have a shot to be with you. A relationship effectively shuts that down. Not to mention the amount of annoying press that will surely follow you and whatever girl you are with. The tabloids would love to start another rumor. Don't let them do it!

2 comments:

thegayte-keeper said...

VERY FUNNY!

Donn M. said...

the parts about Trey Songz...so true